Ok, so it seems like everything tends to come in waves for me. It's either I get all or nothing, which is so incredibly crazy. Right now it seems to be that I'm getting a lot of boy attention. At least boy attention from people that I used to have a pretty good connection to.
So you remember P3 from before? Well, he's back in my life again. We were texting again last night and he wants to hang out and cuddle on Sunday when I go home this weekend. I initially said yes, but it gets more complicated from there. I thought that there was absolutely no way that he could have a crush on me because he just doesn't seem like he wants to date me, but last night he told me he did. I didn't know how to react. I told him that I couldn't date him, that I couldn't do long distance again, but that really hurt him and I feel bad for doing it. He then suggested that we become exclusive friends with benefits. I had to veto this one too because I do want to date other guys and I want to cuddle with B3, and I want to dance with people at dances. I can't be exclusive to someone who I know I will never have a relationship with, especially if I can hardly get this guy to talk to me about his daily life. I don't want to hurt him, but I just can't date him, and I don't want to encourage the idea of friends with benefits.
I told him this last night and started to mention that I'm not sure that Sunday is a good idea anymore, but he kept saying that he really wanted to do it, so for now I'm saying yes to it. I'm still conflicted about it though because I know that if B3 found out about it he would basically freak. It's a pretty slutty thing to do, especially if I like another guy. B3 has asked me to do something similar that I'm conflicted on as well because I still like him, but at least B3 has some limits on what he would be willing to do. P3 would do pretty much anything with me. He honestly really wants to have sex with me, but I just can't give that to him. I think my first time should be special with a person I care about more than anything in the world. I love P3 and all, but he just isn't on that level in my mind. I wouldn't even have sex with B3 after dating him for 4 months. I just can't do it.
I don't know what to tell B3 or P3 anymore. I want a relationship with B3, but he doesn't want a relationship with me. I don't want a relationship with P3, but he wants one with me. This is so complicated and I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do about this Sunday.
I know how you feel. Alex wants to hang out and watch movies when he comes home again. He mentioned that he misses cuddling and making out and everything and I had to tell him, "maybe, but I don't know if that would be a good idea, so we'll see."
ReplyDeleteBut I don't think you should worry to much about what B3 would think. I mean, he might freak out, but he broke up with you. He can't get too upset about it. You're not cheating on him and you are allowed to move on with your life at some point.
And as for P3, I say go for it. :) It'll be fun, just talk to him first. Make sure he knows that this doesn't change anything and you really don't want a long distance relationship.
Don't worry too much, Mommy Mariah. :)