Ok so the next part of the story isn't nearly as hard for me as the rest of my story was. This part did cause me a lot of pain though, but I'm mostly over it now. At least for the time being anyway. When I go back to college in two days I'm not so sure I'll still be over it depending on how my friends act.
So, like I mentioned in an earlier post, the week B3 broke up with me my brain decided to try and cope by crushing on a new boy. I think my brain picked him because he seemed like he had the most in common with me and at first his physical attributes really attracted me.
P1 is about 6ft 2in (I think) and pretty fit (meaning no six pack, but no man boobs or beer belly). He was also pretty athletic and always seemed to be happy and smiling. He is incredibly smart which is no surprise considering he is majoring in math. I honestly believe that even if my brain weren't trying to find someone to replace B3, I might have developed a crush on P1 anyway.
My friend Kitten thought that it would be good for me to crush on a boy to forget about B3 and so she tried to get me and P1 together as much as possible. Every night the three of us would play games together and I would flirt a lot. We had a lot of fun playing games and just talking that after a while we grew pretty close.
One day, P1 decided to go into a room with another friend of mine, Gossip. Gossip was of course known for gossiping a lot, and Kitten didn't really like him all that much. She believe that he was pretty mean and she really didn't like that P1 went off into another room to talk to him. For the next couple of days her trust in P1 started getting worse and worse, and the two of them started arguing. I ended up being in the middle of a lot of the arguments because I was friends with both of them, but it wasn't that bad.
One evening when Kitten went to bed earlier than P1 and me the two of us stayed up talking. P1 started venting to me a little but about his frustrations with Kitten, and I decided to just ask him if he liked her. He didn't really want to answer, but I could tell that he did. He had been flirting with her a lot in the recent days, and one night when we all had a "sleep over" out in one of the big rooms he kept trying to get her to cuddle with him. After a little bit of cajoling, I was finally able to get him to admit that he liked her. He was incredible confused as to why she had suddenly started hanging out with him when the previous year she had basically ignored him. I informed him that it was kind of my fault. I admitted I had a crush on him (I told him I used to, but that it was gone by this point). He didn't really respond to this at the time but from that point on he tried to use me as a go between with him and Kitten.
The two of them kept fighting on and off for another week and P1 was incredibly frustrated. By this time I started to notice just how emotional he was. He had been hurt pretty severely by his previous girl friends, and his family history wasn't pleasant either. Anyone could tell that he was unstable and it seemed to get even worse now that he had a girl to go after.
After one particularly bad argument with Kitten, P1 ran off in a huff. Kitten didn't seem to upset by it, just incredibly confused and it was rather late by this time so she went to bed. I went upstairs to comfort P1 and he asked me point blank whether Kitten liked him. The day before I had asked that same question of Kitten and she had told me no. Not to mention that she had just gotten out of a relationship of two years and didn't feel ready to date yet. I told P1 this information and he seemed pretty upset, but not as unstable as he had seemed before. I then asked him if I was allowed to tell Kitten that he had liked her, and he said he would prefer me not to, but if it helped then I was more than welcome to.
The next day I tried to calm Kitten down a bit with her confusion and make her realize that he liked her, and finally when she just wouldn't believe me I told her the truth. That he had told me the week prior that he has liked her for a year. In that moment she changed her opinion and told me that she actually did like him like that, it was just that she didn't have as much of a physical attraction that she had had with previous boyfriends.
I felt bad after that conversation and so went back to tell P1 that I had screwed up and that there was still a chance for him. I showed him the entire conversation I'd had with her (it was a Facebook conversation), but in the chat I admitted that I still liked him. He read the whole thing but didn't seem to react to it much. Instead when it was done he just hurried up downstairs to talk to Kitten and smooth things over.
I stayed up later that night hoping that they would come up and fill me in, but by the time it hit 3am I figured it was just better to go to bed. The next day P1 had a D&D game to go to in a different city, so he wasn't around. I heard from Kitten that the conversation between the two of them had gone pretty smoothly and that they were once again on friendly terms. She also told me that he wanted to talk to me when he got back. I didn't really want to talk to him, but both him and Kitten insisted.
Kitten caught me upset that night when I was in my room and told P1 about it. He decided he couldn't wait to tell me exactly how he felt about me until he got back. He decided to tell me over Facebook that he really wasn't interested in me like that. That he thought I was a good friend and didn't think I could ever be anything more with him. I was upset because I still liked him, but I accepted it.
For the next 3 weeks Kitten and P1 flirted constantly but said that they weren't a couple. It took a lot of effort to get them to admit that they were actually dating. Finally after a long weekend they agreed that they were dating. It took another 3 weeks to get them to admit that they were a couple. The person holding back on all of the titles the whole time was Kitten because she didn't want other people to judge her as jumping into a new relationship so fast. Even with this every person in the dorm knew it was rebound. Everyone knows exactly how Kitten acts and that there would be no actual possibility of survival with this couple. Both Kitten and P1 knew everyone's opinions on this, but that didn't stop them from trying.
When they finally started dating it started getting more and more awkward for me. I was (and am) not over B3 yet and so it was difficult to be the only other person in the room with them when they started cuddling, or on the rare occasion sneaking a kiss when I looked away. They didn't realize that I could hear their kisses and that it was still just as awkward.
Their relationship was rocky even before it started. These two were just not built for each other. P1 was incredibly emotional, but Kitten was closed off. Where P1 wanted to talk about their problems, Kitten wanted to just ignore them and let them disappear. This caused so many conflicts between the two of them that it seemed to me that they were almost always upset. To them though, the very few good days that they had together trumped all bad ones. They just wouldn't admit that they were not good for each other.
Two weeks before winter break, the inevitable happened. Kitten grew so frustrated with P1 that she was literally having small panic attacks. She was super sick for about a month, and when she finally went to the doctor they prescribed her with 3 different antibiotics and a couple of nose sprays for a sinus infection. She was so stressed during this time and P1 just kept making it worse. She finally snapped (after quite a bit of fighting) and said that she just couldn't deal with it anymore. She didn't say the words "I am breaking up with you" though, so P1 just assumed that she was upset and that they were still a couple. I would tell him that they were through, but he wouldn't listen to me. Instead he kept pestering her trying to talk to her some more. By this point she was trying as hard as she could to avoid him and ignore him.
P1 was an emotional wreck during this time. Sometimes he would stay up late at night just bawling down in the basement and I would try and comfort him. I hated this so much because no matter what I did he wouldn't accept it because I wasn't the right girl. Every single time I tried to help him he said he just didn't care. He needed Kitten to be the one to say everything that I was saying to him. One night I even dragged Kitten downstairs and fed her lines to say to him, and all of the sudden he stopped crying and was much better. It hurt me so much knowing that even though I really cared for him I could do absolutely nothing to help him, but I couldn't stop trying.
When I finally got Kitten to tell P1 point blank that they were no longer a couple things just got even worse for me. Both of them started to avoid each other, and I got pulled in between the two of them. Both of them needed my help, but I felt that P1 needed it more because he was the one that wasn't eating anything at all and sleeping all day. I would spend every spare minute I had trying to cajole him into eating or even just talking. I swear, I don't think he showered for an entire week. It was pretty disgusting.
This was also right around the time that we were shopping for Christmas gifts. I was excited because I knew exactly what to get Kitten, and I knew that P1 would be easy to shop for. When I mentioned to P1 that I was excited for what I had gotten Kitten he responded "Omg I'm so sorry, I forgot to get you a present." This hurt a lot because I had thought we were really close and I figured that he would think about me on occasion, but this was proof that he really didn't do that. When I told Kitten about this she got pretty upset and started texting him right away, yelling at him for not thinking about me even though I'd been basically nursing him for the past week. I got more upset because I didn't want her making him more upset, especially if it was on my account, but the message got through anyway.
P1 decided that he needed to go shopping to get Kitten a more appropriate Christmas present and he wanted me to go with him to pick something out. When I went with him though it was right at dinner time, and Kitten got upset because I was once again hanging out with him and not her. She thought that I was abandoning her and that I would soon ditch her like all of her friends back home had done. When P1 found out that she was upset about it he told me to just go back. He didn't want her upset anymore, but I was pissed because she was making me pick between her and P1, so I refused to go back.
Over the next couple of days the anger from the two of them just seemed to increase. P1 still wouldn't really accept my help no matter what I tried, and Kitten was upset that I would spend so much time with P1. It got to a point that no matter what I did I was hurting someone and it made me crazy. This also happened to be on a day when I had a final that I thought I had failed. That final was worth 30% of my grade so I was sure that I had failed that test. By the end of the day I was a mess. I could hardly keep it together, but I told myself I had to so that I could help Kitten and P1. The sad part is, is that I couldn't keep it together.
That night I had decided to hang out with Kitten until midnight, and then pretend to go to bed. When I "went to bed" what I really did was change into pj's and then sneak up the back stairs to P1s room to play video games with him. When he went downstairs to grab games and some water he started talking to Kitten. Kitten started to vent to him that she was upset because I wasn't spending enough time with her and that she thought that she was being left out. P1 felt the need to play peacemaker now and come upstairs and tell me what she had said. That just about ruined it for me and I started to tear up. I HATE crying in front of people so I quickly started heading back to my own room. He had to go talk to Kitten again anyway, but he texted me a little while later and asked if I was ok. I said I wasn't, and we both ended up going to the basement to talk. I tried to keep it together the best I could, but in the end I broke down. P1 just didn't know what to do, so he went upstairs and grabbed Kitten to come downstairs and talk to me. As soon as she saw me she went into mother mode. She talked to me and eventually it got better. The three of us started having a decent conversation -- the best one in weeks -- and it seemed like we were finally starting to mend.
After a couple of hours being happy together I asked if it would be ok if I went to bed. The two of them seemed like they were going to be up a while longer, but I was super tired after having such an emotional day and I needed to sleep. I also didn't want to just leave them though because I wasn't sure they could handle each other alone at the moment. Kitten told me I could go, and eventually with some prodding P1 told me to go to bed as well.
When I left though, P1 just couldn't hold his questions in any longer. He started asking Kitten difficult questions that she didn't know the answers to. She started getting flustered and frustrated again, and P1 ended up crying. He texted me even though he knew I was going to sleep and that text messages would wake me up that he was upset and needed help. When I woke up and read the text I grabbed my blankets and pillows and went downstairs to comfort him. By this time it was about 7am, and it took about a half an hour to calm him down enough to start breathing normally again. I didn't want to leave him though, so I asked him to study his homework in the room while I curled up in a corner and went to sleep. Kitten had left while P1 was crying, and so P1 agreed to do it. He had recently started doing some of the things I asked because he knew it frustrated me to know end that I never seemed to actually be able to help him. So he studied for his math test later that day and I slept in a corner. At about 9am he got up and decided he was done studying and that he needed some sleep. When he got up and said my name I was instantly awake even though I had been hard asleep before, and so I relocated to my bed to sleep some more.
After that night the two of them seemed to realize though the amount of stress they put on me and so they stopped fighting over me so much, but I could tell that it was still there. I tried my hardest to please both of them, but that was hard to do. When winter break finally came I was more than happy to go home. I wanted to have a break from the drama of these two friends, but now that the break is almost over I'm worried how they'll act when I go back to school in two days.
I continue the stories of P2 and P3 in my next blog. It should be much easier to explain them because not much has come from them, and they haven't exactly lasted that long -- especially P3.
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