This is the final part to this section. After this I think I'll start actually writing about my every day life, and if need be I'll fill in the other drama in my life that's occurred in the last 8 months, but I just don't feel like it now.
So the story of P2 isn't one that's sad at all. I turned to liking him when I got soundly rejected from P1. P2 is an incredibly smart sweet boy who enjoys doing a lot of the same things as me. I honestly have no physical attraction to him (even though he isn't horrible looking) but I can't help crushing on him a little bit because of how sweet he is. I like that he's completely nerdy and that he's always there to help. Though he might not end up as my boyfriend some day, I know he and I will be great friends. He knows how to listen, and not many people know how to do that anymore. He simply listens without analyzing everything, listens without feeling the need to judge on my actions. Even though I've only known him for four months, I'm pretty sure I'd trust him with any secret I have.
P2 and I like to ask each other questions just for the sake of asking. We are both incredible curious about other people's lives, and so when we get together we are almost always constantly asking each other questions. The other day I decided to ask him if he had a crush on a girl. He said he had the potential to, but he didn't really. I asked who the girl was, and he told me it was another girl from our dorm. Surprisingly, I wasn't crushed by this revelation. I prefer that he doesn't like me back because I wouldn't ever want to ruin the friendship I have with him by dating him. He is worth much more to me than a boy to cuddle with.
Of course after I asked the question of who he liked, he reciprocated. I felt compelled to tell him the truth, but I made him guess first given the hint that he was the person closest to the guy I liked. When he guessed himself he was slightly unsure, but I confirmed it. The way he took the news makes me like him even more as a friend. He didn't freak out at all, he didn't assume that we weren't going to be able to be friends anymore. Instead he just took it in stride and told me that he was flattered but that he didn't have the same feelings for me. We talked a little bit after that but it really didn't feel like any distance had grown between us like it normally does when someone reveals their affection for another person and that person doesn't reciprocate.
This boy is incredibly kind and sweet, and I hope he finds peace and happiness some day.
P3 is a bit of a different story. He is a year younger than me and thus still in high school. The first time I met him it was at church camp and he liked to flirt with me constantly. I wasn't apposed to flirting back with him, but my friend Hot-Head most certainly was. She'd find ways to separate him and me on the trip and pull me out of conversations with him, so even though I could tell he liked me I never actually went anywhere with him.
Last year I had one class with him, but during the class he mostly seemed to either be trying to get over another girl that had been incredibly cruel to him or to be constantly flirting with the other girl that hung out with us. I decided that even though I had a baby crush on him I wouldn't let it get anywhere. Instead I focused on B3 and everything about him. Later on I found out that apparently P3 had a crush on me the majority of that semester and only flirted with the other girl because I didn't seem like I liked him.
Now P3 isn't the most attractive boy on the planet, but he's not the ugliest either. Over the summer he started working out with the Marines and he worked on a barge lifting heavy objects every day, so needless to say he lost a lot of weight. By the time I saw him over this winter break he had lost 60 lbs. He looked incredible compared to how he looked before. Now he was exactly the body type I go for in a boy (tall and with just enough pudge on stomach to cover up the muscles that he had). He still had a pretty bad acne problem, but acne doesn't bother me that much because I too tend to have an acne problem.
For about a month before winter break P3 and I had been talking quite a bit. He was frustrated with his love life because right now (and then) it was non-exhistant and he knew he wouldn't get one before he shipped out with the Marines this July. I talked to him and let him vent, and in return he let me vent about my own love life problems. By the time break rolled around P3 wanted to see me again. I said ok, and so the Monday after I came home I went to hang out at his house.
His house surprised me with how clean and proper it was. He had a beautiful home that was perfectly organized with no toys or crap just lying around like my house has. His room surprised me as well. All he had in it was his couch, TV, game station, and computer. I expected him to have a lot more military paraphernalia but there was pretty much nothing in his room.
When I first got there we just went up to his room and talked for a good two hours at least. When our conversation started dieing he brought out his x-box and we started playing Halo together. I was absolutely horrible but I honestly was having a lot of fun. After I played one game where I utterly sucked though, P3 decided to turn that off and put on a movie from netflix. We decided to watch StarTrek and during the movie leaned back to rest my head on the cushions of the couch. He apparently though I looked uncomfortable so he kept asking if I was ok. I of course was quite content and told him so, but he didn't really believe me. At one point he told me that I could rest my head on his shoulder, but I honestly didn't want to cuddle with him because I didn't want to let myself have feelings for him again before I went back to school and he went off into the Military.
Later on that night after I left he started texting me and asking if I liked him. My response was that I wouldn't let myself like him because I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship again. He said that that didn't really matter and when I asked if he liked me he said that he did. We then decided that we were going to become cuddle buddies over the break. That's the way it started anyway. We tried to plan days when we could cuddle with each other, but with me working it was difficult that first week. Later on I suggested many days that we could get together, and initially he agreed to them but when it came to the actual day he would flake on me. He flaked on me a total of 5 times over the break, but the last one was the worst.
He had promised that we were going to hang out the Sunday before last and so I took extra care getting ready that day. He texted me around 1 that he was excited to have time with me that day, but when I went to take a shower and get ready, afterwards he didn't text me for the rest of the day. I was incredibly upset because he had texted me constantly for two weeks and then he just suddenly stopped texting on a day when I was supposed to hang out with him.
Later on I found out that he had had some family issues that caused him to stop texting me, but even after he told me that he still didn't text me much. I started wondering if there had been something that I had done wrong, but when I asked him he told me I hadn't. I asked him if that's the case then why did he just suddenly stop texting me completely. His response was that his life was hell at the current time and that he just didn't want to text me. Even now I still think I must have done something wrong to piss him off or something, but the time is gone now to hang out with him so P3 is officially in the past. I do hope I can still be friends again with him someday, but the chance of having a cuddle buddy has gone.
So right now, it's been made pretty clear that no matter how hard I want a guy to date or even simply cuddle with, I don't think it's going to happen any time soon. Hopefully when I'm back in college tomorrow I'll be able to forget this and just immerse myself in school work and fun. Probably more of the latter... :)
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